I always find it difficult to completely remove my self will from any situation. I am trying to follow to the idea of a higher power doing the controlling and me making the changes that I need to make in order to better my life, the main thing of which is changing the person I brought in. All good in theory, until it really hits the fan, then, it is incredibly difficult to remove myself from, well, me. To step aside and look at it as more of the grand plan and simply change what I can't change, and not worry, obsess, etc. about those things that I cannot.
In this case the mind becomes the worst enemy. Coming up with ideas, situations, issues, problems, resolutions that have no basis in reality other than to try and get you to drink. This is what they call the cunning and baffling nature of the disease. Any little toehold it can find, and the mind is off to the races. The notion of trusting, not only in those around you, but in also the plan is so very difficult. If I cannot control it, how can I trust it? Removing that from my thoughts must be paramount. I cannot control, and so therefore I must trust completely, that, what happens is the way it should happen. Of course I want things to turn out my way. I want my life according to my vision. What I want. When I want it. We don't always get that though (or, really ever). Do we? I must trust that life will move in a direction that I can handle and move on with. I cannot be too much, or at all, buried in myself to make this work. Thy will be done, not mine must be in the forefront of my thoughts, else I do wallow in self pity, denial and hurt, which does not help me nor anyone around me.
I love and trust the people in my life. They have stuck with me through the good, the bad and the ugly. Now, I have to trust in my higher power to show the way...
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