Defects as Assets

So, I go to an average of three meetings a week.  A step 11 meeting on saturday mornings (meditation and discussion), a step meeting on tuesdays and a big book meeting on wednesdays.  The long timers will tell you that three meetings a week is bare minimum for maintenance, however, it is working for me now.

Tonight's meeting brought to me the phrase "my ego told me my defects were assets".  In every meeting I hear at least one thing that I go "yeah, I get that", and, this was certainly one of them.  Ego told me that my self-centered behavior and need to control were *good* things.  They kept a certain balancing of the ship.  Anger layered on top of that just reinforced.  The breaking down of the ego, the dealing with the anger, and the continuing on the spiritual path shows just how wrong this thinking is.  The breaking down of the ego and pride (as incredibly difficult as that is) shows just how this need to control has the opposite effect -- it actually spins the life out of control.  When you give up that ego and let life run it's course you realize that it is fine to steer your own ship -- you just cannot steer anyone else's.  It is this realization that is truly freeing and truly eases a great amount of the burden.  When I came to (as much as I try) understand that I can only be responsible for myself -- that is freeing.  It frees you up to help people as they need it, not because you need to control their outcome.  It is certainly a work in progress, however, realizing the defects for what they are, and not as assets, truly is a blessing of AA.