Easy Does It

I am reading a book called "Living Sober", and, today, appropriately, I read a section entitled "Easy Does It".  As an alcoholic, I certainly rush to get things done.  I think my thought with this was to rush to get everything down so I can catch up to "today".  However, what does that rushing get me?  It certainly gets me to the end of the story of my past, but, why the rush?

When I got sober (this time around) the first few months were a blur.  I heard of this "pink cloud" thing, but, honestly, if I am feeling it, it has only been within the past few months that it has hit me.  There was/is so much to work through, that going to meetings and group therapy in ad-care was, in a word, overwhelming.

I knew AA was right from the start.  What I thought was a religious cult turned into the knowledge of a safe haven where people like me could talk about their lives and *not be judged*.  This was crucial for me.  The ability to talk about myself and my feelings in an environment where I was understood and where I knew that no matter what I said it would not be met with a guffaw, disdain or anger was so important to allowing me to open up.

Growing up we were never encouraged to share our feelings.  Our feelings were a burden to others, so, why burden them?  Through adult hood whenever I ventured into discussing feelings, there was never a glow with "hey, I am talking about them".  I would always take what the other person said as indication (or vindication) that my feelings were not worth speaking about.  Any hint of negativity.  Any hint of "why are you telling me this" would shut me down.  Force me to close in on myself, to a point where alcohol seemed to be  the only solace.

AA taught me that this is not necessary.  The spiritual path is one of honesty, openness, and, yes pain, when necessary.  It is only through experiencing that pain, the joy, the happiness that we truly understand what our feelings are about and get to a place where we are content just to let our feelings known, regardless of how they are taken by the people who we are sharing with.

Hmmm.  Enough for now, I think.  Easy Does It.  Next time I think I will talk about the transition from ad-care group therapy to step work (even though I am technically still not "doing" the steps) and how that was instrumental in further going down the spiritual path.