Stuff

In the past few weeks we have been clearing out stuff that we don't need (both physical and virtual) in order to get more stuff that we want (a vacation home).  In reading last night, an alcoholic was promised a new car if he could just stay sober for one year.  Making the promises he could, he, of course, was drinking before the words were out of his mouth.

This got me thinking about stuff and how it can clutter lives and lead to the stress that feeds the disease.  In active alcoholism, the stuff (especially those that require monthly payments) weigh and has the disease tell you it's ok to drink in order to relieve the stress of having to deal.  This, of course, just makes the problem worse as any kind of money issues become worse when drunk.

In sobriety there is the desire (if lost) to get that stuff back.  However, I think, without the proper foundation and realizations as to why this stuff is important, it will just lead back to the old hurtful places.  Having stuff for stuffs sake never really works out.  Do you need the fancy new car (or two)?  The vacation home?  The electronics?  What purpose does it server?  How will it make your life happier, more fulfilled?

This made me realize I kind of have a pyramid that serves as a foundation for wanting to explore bringing the stuff back into my life.  If I do not have this foundation, then, the new stuff will just be a weight that will crush me and bring me back to that dark place.

1) The love and respect of myself.  Without this, really, for me, all is lost.  If I don't love and respect myself, how can I expect other to love and respect me?  Without that love and respect I feel worthless, weak, unimportant.  Which will lead me right back into the throes of my disease
2) The love of a higher power.  This has been a while for me to get, but, knowing that I have something that will help me break out of the dark places that I can give my will over to (this does not mean, however, absolving myself of responsibility -- more on that in another post) helps to know that I can relieve myself of whatever stressful situation I am in now
3) The love and respect of my wife and my family.
4) The love and respect of my group and AA as a whole

As you can see, for me, love and respect are very important.  This all goes to how I treat myself and I perceive others treat me.  When I treat myself poorly, there is no use but to have alcohol as an outlet.  Even if other around me treat me poorly (in my eyes) I know that my love and respect for myself can overcome that because I know I am *worth* that love and respect, and, it will come to me.

With this kind of foundation in place, filling other spaces with things that you think will enhance your life and make it more enjoyable and loving seem second nature.  Anything else will just take up space, confuse, and lead to more stress than it is worth.