Honesty and feelings

On the path to healing, the first thing learned is that honesty is the only way to clear out the system.  That talking about your feelings, no matter how hurtful or pleasant they might be, is the way to relieve the burden of needing to drink.  My particular failure was quite the opposite.  Burying.  Dishonesty.  All paths that led to pain and suffering.

Now, this does not mean that speaking of feelings is a panacea.  There are times where I feel like crying all the time.  Believe it or not, this is a good thing.  To be able to have these feelings, to know they are there, no matter what form they come in is so much better than denial and repression.  I think this is only something that you can know once you've gone through and come out the other side.

The honesty bit is actually speaking about them to either the person that is involved with or to anyone.  It is great to have the feelings -- to know about them.  What I have found (personally) is that unless I actually bring them out into the light of day, inspect them and know them (hence the blog and all other forms of therapy I might have), they still just kind of lie there.  And, once speaking of them, speak of them truly.  Now, I know, especially for me, there is always a desire to tamp down, to mitigate, to mute.  This is because I project onto the other person how they will react, and therefore change what I say to that.  Not only does this take power of my emotions from me, it takes from the other person their will to react.  To presume what the other person will think or feel in a particular situation, in all my cases, has been disrespectful of that person and their abilities to share their feelings as well.

Now, for me, this does not mean I bring up a feeling the second I have it.  Sometimes I sit on it a bit.  Sometimes I do bring it up immediately.  The important thing is, for me, to talk about them.